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It really is true -- that everything is fragmentary, and it's up to us to supply the missing link. I suspect, however, that sometimes the missing link remains just that -- missing.

I feel like I've done everything on my part, yet I still feel that somehow it's not enough. It's never enough. I give whatever I could, offer everything I could. Explained everything there is to explain -- and God knows how long that is. :P But there will always be something missing. There's always something the world withholds from me. Maybe it's supposed to be that way.

But for a long time I held on to a certain belief that there is an answer to everything. The answers could be vague or even bad, but THERE IS something. There is a door to everything. If only you could find it. If only I could find it.

And I want to find it now.

Waiting is particularly hard for someone like me. The heart of my problem, as I see it, is that I am -- as I have made it clear to most people -- not very patient. I'm sure the society (and by that I mean my mother) agrees with this. I am surprised to learn, however, that despite my being patience challenged, I have certain qualities of martyrdom when it comes to that one thing that makes us all fools.

Why do I feel that everything is pointless despite all the efforts we put in?

I'm tired. And I am running on low fuel.





*Ok. I am done contemplating. I'm going to bed now. :) *