It happened overnight -- more or less. In that time frame I managed to alter a part of my life. My life, therefore, is alterable.
I got tired of being upset and worried. Tired of pretending not to care that I was upset and worried. And possibly, tired of not even knowing what I was really upset and worried about. In between letting out a heavy sigh and furrowing my brows and biting my lips, I finally, finally got it. My agony was resembling foolishness. I had to stop it because it wasn't making any sense anymore. It simply went against sense.
Why is it always hard for us to practice what we preach? And even harder for us to see what's happening under our noses. Even when someone points out to us what's really going on, we make erratic rationalizations and stupid defenses. We ignore what's really out there -- the truth. We ignore it because it hurts, and for most of us, we're naturally escapists.
But you wake up to actuality -- in your own style, own time. For some people, it takes something grand for this to take place. In my case, however, it was hearing the silence after shredding a paper. After that sharp sound, it's calmness. Stillness. That same calmness overpowered me.
And I allowed it.