Thursday, June 11, 2009


I was surprised -- and pleased -- to know that I have become more forgiving over the years. Getting hurt now, compared to getting hurt 10 years ago, really makes a huuuge difference. Simply put, my perspective has changed. That's what happens when you grow older. :)

In my younger years (which was not so long ago hehe :P), whenever something bad happens to me, I always ask God WHY? I kept asking what I did to deserve such treatment.

While I still believe that misfortunes can happen, I have at least stopped believing that life is unfair. Maturity led me to believe that when awful things happen to unsuspecting good people, God is not being cruel to me. :)

It's just life taking place.

Thursday, June 04, 2009


That I was soul searching during our recent trip to Taipei was a bit exaggerated. :P But somehow, I really did "find" something when I was there.

I had a few hours to explore the city by myself. Going for a walk has always been my way of coping and reassessing. It was especially different when I was in Taipei. Since that "fateful day", it was the first time I really had time to think; to listen; to pay attention.

For a few minutes, perhaps hours, I allowed all the thoughts to occupy me. The problem with thinking is that overdoing it can give you a headache. I don't know if it was the heat (as I started walking just before noon) or hunger, or the language barrier, or that heavy thinking mode, or all of the above -- but after a while, I just wanted to splash ice cold water all over me. Anyhow, all those thoughts soaked me perfectly.

All those doubts I had -- all gone. All those questions I had -- all answered. Not all answers, however, were definite. I didn't get just Yes's and No's..I also got Maybe's.

My recent trip was, I might almost say, the very first time that I truly understood the difference between happiness and joy. My happiness is based on circumstances, while joy is my emotional well being. And while the opposite of happiness is unhappiness, the opposite of joy is fear.

And seriously, for the first time in my life, I actually appreciate my first name :) My nickname JAR would not be complete without it.

Taipei definitely left a mark on me...and I'm going back for sure.