Sunday, April 25, 2010


Everything, it seemed, was forgiven and mended. I experienced anticipated homecomings, joyful gatherings, wonderful celebrations, heartfelt talks. And I imagined more of these to come. This was all I ever needed to supposedly forget.

Of course it didn't last. How could it? When a single, important evidence just popped out of nowhere, it was enough for me to remember. To be stirred. To feel. And disturbingly, to question if I have really forgiven.

I would have been outraged, but the feeling of being tormented by doubts came first -- and prevailed.

I am in awe at the fact that it's always me who gets to witness all these distressing matters. Yes, I am the "chosen one". I am just thankful that it hasn't turned me into a spiteful person. A wise woman told me that there is a big reason why I find myself in this rather fragile position that I never really chose to be in. Not too long from now, this will all make sense. Perfect sense. And whatever dots that have to be connected will be made by, yep -- yours truly. I hope she is right. She better be. :)

But I'm hanging in there. I have been doing it for years anyway. I choose to overcome. I am still part of a blissful, elated world at least for a moment. Whatever absurdity that comes in the next hour or the next day scarcely matters.