it's a cycle. i juggle between comfort and distress. is there any person who goes through life undisturbed? i doubt.

i continue, despite everything, to work on my life. it's an ongoing construction.

_hence_


it happens that you go through a period of great unhappiness and doubt. you start questioning everything. you not only question why this and that is happening. you doubt life in a larger sense -- you question your existence.

and so they say that each person has a purpose in this world. but frankly, i don't think i'll be a big loss in this planet if i die. again, i am questioning my existence. which is perfectly normal if i may say. i don't know anyone who's never done that at one point or another in his life.

i know that my faltering attitude seems unnecessary. i know perfectly well that i am blessed with a good life. but i need to go through this phase. with all due respect, i cannot follow your advice: "wag mong masyadong isipin". no, i simply can't do that. THIS MATTERS. once i get over this, i have already rediscovered myself. and perhaps, i will have answers to my questions..or at least, clues.

deep down i am still the same girl who embraces life with enormous passion and laughs hard. but i also need to cry hard.

yes, it's been a secret i've kept from you.
until today.

i relished those moments when it was only i (and absolutely no one else) who knew about it.

but today, without planning to, i shared the secret with you. and if you ask me this question again: "what am i to you?",
i have the warmest answer for you...

you are my one great love.

now it's a secret that the world knows. :)

i feel like i've lost a lot. but i look inside and see that i still have more left.

which makes me capable of giving more...

either i'm losing the optimism in me or this is just plain quarter life crisis -- yet again. i'm finding it hard to see the wonderful side of things. i can't even fake a smile. and once again i've proven that you cannot follow your own advice.

i cried myself to sleep. i cried in my sleep. and i cried when i woke up. i never expected anyone to completely understand how i felt.

why do i always tend to unwillingly accept what the world offers me. somehow i've dealt with a surfeit of everything and it overwhelms me.