_axis_


i can finally tell what the problem is.

setting expectations.

depending on the day, i can either be idealistic or realistic. when the former is stronger, i set certain expectations on how one will act or speak. i was never a mind reader, yet somehow, i manage to assume how one will react. and when it doesn't go the way i expected, i am crushed. i find it hard to understand what just happened.

after knowing everything there is to know about NOT having expectations, i still end up expecting.

but it must be a normal thing. somewhere, wired into my system, there must exist a tiny nerve that registers the innate desire to be idealistic once in a while.
everyone is entitled to occasionally dream of an ideal world.

i guess there's nothing wrong with having expectations -- low or high. what i need to learn now, is to accept the outcome which may or may not match what i envisioned. i can't believe that at this point my life, i still have to learn how to do this.

i need to remember that things come and go. people and come and go. the rest is a residue that i have to deal with. and that's what is expected of me.