_clutching my own medal_


i never really understood the art of pretending not to hear what one says.

and even if i become literally deaf for a moment, something inside still does the listening. what's despairing is that it can hear even the unspoken words. when the ego is all bruised and broken, you don't really have to say anything to make matters worse.

i am tired.

so tired...
of having to prove myself to you.
of trying to make you see that i don't need to be like you.
of doing all sorts of things just to make you see me successful.


how do you measure success anyway? because if it's all about the money, then it's gonna take me my whole life -- and more -- to become successful to your eyes.

i'm happy now...
with my job.
with everything and everyone i have.
with everything i do.

i'm happy with my life.

of course, there are goals i have yet to achieve. but so far, i've done good. and there are quite a few things i'm also proud of.

i just hope that you're proud of me too.

God knows it'll make all the difference in the world if you are.